Since we’re still early in the new year, there are a lot of articles floating around about getting your life together. Get rid of toxic relationships. Avoid negativity. Say positive affirmations. Be confident. Go for your goals.
These are all great tidbits of advice, in that they’re vague enough to apply to a wide variety of people and situations. However, they’re also vague enough that people can follow them and still be completely toxic assholes while doing it.
For example, you should definitely end toxic relationships. But also look at them before assigning blame for the toxicity. Because even if you’re not to blame for the toxic nature of a relationship, how you interact could cause you to carry the same behaviors and patterns into future relationships.
I definitely believe people should be confident and positive. But certain types of “positivity” are shams. For example, broadcasting on Social media that you’re doing a purge of all the negative people in your life. Touting how great you feel that you’re no longer associating with “sinners” and “people with bad behavior”. Those actions seem extremely negative to me. You’re judging and insulting how other people live their lives. Also, you’re focusing on the negative rather than the positive. Instead of bragging about how perfect you are compared to others, how about you make some truly positive statements, with no negative caveats. Don’t tear others down to build yourself up.
Plus, for the best results of being positive and confident, you should also be honest. Don’t over exaggerate your best qualities for a false sense of worth. You can healthily acknowledge that you’re not always perfect. You can do this and still focus on building your strengths.
Instead of announcing to the world all your good qualities and new found motivations, how about you just live them? If you’re truly confident, you shouldn’t be begging for affirmation from others. The people you talk to personally and interact with will notice.
For example, I met with a friend for coffee recently. She told me about how writing positive affirmations and focusing on the good in life had brought about some great energy and real changes in her life. Her business is booming, and it started when she changed her mindset. What was great is that until I met with her, I had no clue she had changed so much. She didn’t spend a bunch of energy announcing it/ she just did it, and then shared the results with people she cared about. She didn’t berate a bunch of people for their negative mindset, because she wasn’t focused on the negative. She wasn’t focused on changing others. She focused on herself. She focused on the positive and on what she could control. And she made significant changes in her life.
I have one more rant, and that’s about this idea of negativity always being bad. And it’s a rant I’ll leave for the next post, because I want to make sure I give it the articulation and attention the topic deserves.